Just a second ago i was immensly happy thinking life is good at the moment.
Then bam a huge rock of fuck just hit me on the head now all i can think about is locking myself in my room and hiding under my duvet.
I think i have been pushing one side of myself away to appear ebullient all the time but the truth is all humans hurt everynow and then, its no use trying to hide it or it will fuck you up.
The truth is i care for someone more than i should which is lacking fairly in return, and find myself in a situation which i cannot help but just sit and wonder why the fuck cant things go my way, i dont think i am usually selfish, but i want this, i want it all to myself, i will never have it, i just need to learn to accept this.
Thats the hardest thing.
Accepting the fact that i will never have that happiness of holding her.
If any body reads this there is no need to gossip because it really isnt who you think it is, i have just realised i cant keep pushing it away and i had to write it somewhere.
Sorry for going all shit but it has to be done.