I have not written a blog on here for ages because i was going to just use tumblr but it turns out tumblr has evolved past blogging into (For me) an image viewing site, i use it to look at art and stuff.
But anywho some people may know that during the past year or so i have been more public about my acoustic music and since I have been writing more, it's completely opened a whole new side of me, like a flood gate. The reason that i have started blogging again is because i have written soo much shit down that my drawrs are overflowing with scribbled pieces of paper and even after all that shit i'm still constantly thinking about stuff, over analysing everything, judging things and experiencing things. IT JUST DOESN'T STOP. The more i write about stuff the more my mind wonders about shit that doesn't need wondering about.
I seem to be spending time on the net before i go to bed, so it makes sense to write stuff down on here, tis a good place to store shit.
Its sooo fucking hard having attractive friends, don't get me wrong i love them but how am I ever going to fucking meet a girl when everywhere i go girls just druel over my friends. Its soo fucking horrible being in the shadow of those guys.
This is where i say i wish the world wasn't so shallow but thats such a cliche and we are all guilty of being shallow, i just wish i could sit down and talk to some people for a couple of hours when i first meet them. This way i feel i have more of a chance of getting their attention and getting to know them. If not i am going to be lonely for a long time, which was never a problem for me until recently when everyone else around me is soo content with being involved in a warm, loving, comfortable relationship.
I've forgotten what it feels like to have someones lips press against mine.
Infact i'm quite scared at the thought of it happening in the future, i'm soo out of practice, it feels like its been soo long that the whole "Kissing" exchange could be different like the no contact sex thing in "Demolition man"
This sounds mental but since all my mates got girlfriends/partners they focus alot of their attention on them which has just added to everything, this overwheling sense of abandonment. This isn't about attention, its companionship. Humans need companionship to stay sane and mine is declining everyday to the point where writing shit down has now become scarily satisfying, its kinda like having a conversation with myself haha.
I'm looking forward to reading this in the future when the people around me/my situation has changed, to see if what i'm saying is actually the reason for how i feel or if its something else.
If you read all of that.....I'm sorry.
x
